Tag Archives: new testament

Numbers 18-21

Numbers 18-21

God is SO unfair!!  He gives Moses this big hard job of being in charge of everyone and getting to eat all their food and have all their money!  But think about the responsibility he has to have!  Not worth it at ALL!  Poor guy!

Numbers 10-13

Numbers 10-13

God gives Moses and the Jews a few trumpets to sound whenever they are in trouble which will save them (how has that been working?); god lights a few troublemakers on fire because why not; Moses was a special needs child; BONUS!  More names!  YES!

Numbers 7-9

Numbers 7-9

Today’s reading was very repetitive.  First I read chapter 7, and it was repetitive.  Then I read chapter 8, and it was repetitive.  Then I read chapter 9, and it was repetitive.  I read chapters 7,8, and 9, and they were very repetitive.  Repetitive.

Numbers 4-6

Numbers 4-6

God still seems interested in talking to Moses even though Moses brings nothing to the conversation; Moses and Co. face a devastating badger shortage; also “devastating badger shortage” is redundant.

Numbers 1-3

Numbers 1-3

And once again… I’M BACK!  God is back to his incredibly dull and repetitive ways as we start a very mysteriously named book.  As page after page of infallible scripture goes by, we are left with one soul wrenching question about it, which is WHO CARES!

Leviticus 22-25

Leviticus 22-25

This bible is so boring, even the person writing it down starting looking for other things to write about.  Also if murdering kids is wrong, then the bible certainly doesn’t want to be right.  And can you blame it?

Leviticus 18-21

Leviticus 18-21

Hey Moses, it’s God.  You got a minute?  Yeah I just thought of a bunch more crap you can’t do.  Grab a pen.  The bible makes the incredibly profound moral declaration that we cannot have sex with any of our relatives.  I’m so glad he told us that.

Leviticus 12-14

Leviticus 12-14

I’m BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!@$!%)#~!1`471289!  This was fun.  Let’s do it again next week.  Oh a summary, you ask?  Well not really anything happened.  There was a bit about how disgusting women are after they give birth, and then a lot about leprosy.  A LOT…

Leviticus 8-11

Leviticus 8-11

If I had a dime for every time the bible repeated itself I would be one rich dude.  God shamelessly murders two of his followers for nothing;  I really can’t get a handle for why god sometimes just leaves crap alone, but other times he shoots to kill…

Leviticus 4-7

Leviticus 4-7

This podcast ruled.  It was so good you won’t even understand what just happened to you.  Oh also nothing happened in the readings.  It just went over a million different reasons to sacrifice cows.  Stupid.  But anyway, I was awesome.