Well Bofur and Bifur have a little argument about whether or not they should kill the Israelites. God talks to one of them saying they shouldn’t, but somehow this can’t be communicated to the other. This is the entire reading in a nutshell. That’s it.
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God is SO unfair!! He gives Moses this big hard job of being in charge of everyone and getting to eat all their food and have all their money! But think about the responsibility he has to have! Not worth it at ALL! Poor guy!
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Well I’m back but the more important question is where were you? I was here. Waiting for you to tell me to do a podcast. Well somehow those Jews still don’t believe in Moses’s god after all the miracles and murders he has performed for them… Numbers 14-17
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God gives Moses and the Jews a few trumpets to sound whenever they are in trouble which will save them (how has that been working?); god lights a few troublemakers on fire because why not; Moses was a special needs child; BONUS! More names! YES!
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God still seems interested in talking to Moses even though Moses brings nothing to the conversation; Moses and Co. face a devastating badger shortage; also “devastating badger shortage” is redundant.
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And once again… I’M BACK! God is back to his incredibly dull and repetitive ways as we start a very mysteriously named book. As page after page of infallible scripture goes by, we are left with one soul wrenching question about it, which is WHO CARES!
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God rattles off punishment after punishment to expect if the chosen people decide to unchoose themselves. Meanwhile a wearied Moses wonders why he still bothers to listen to the old cook. He could have been somebody….
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This bible is so boring, even the person writing it down starting looking for other things to write about. Also if murdering kids is wrong, then the bible certainly doesn’t want to be right. And can you blame it?
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Hey Moses, it’s God. You got a minute? Yeah I just thought of a bunch more crap you can’t do. Grab a pen. The bible makes the incredibly profound moral declaration that we cannot have sex with any of our relatives. I’m so glad he told us that.
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Women: have you ever wondered what that liquid evil that comes out of your secret place is? Well, we men of the biblical era don’t know and don’t want to know. Just please don’t sit on any of the good chairs! This and more wisdom in today’s reading!
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