Tag Archives: bible

Numbers 7-9

Numbers 7-9

Today’s reading was very repetitive.  First I read chapter 7, and it was repetitive.  Then I read chapter 8, and it was repetitive.  Then I read chapter 9, and it was repetitive.  I read chapters 7,8, and 9, and they were very repetitive.  Repetitive.

Numbers 1-3

Numbers 1-3

And once again… I’M BACK!  God is back to his incredibly dull and repetitive ways as we start a very mysteriously named book.  As page after page of infallible scripture goes by, we are left with one soul wrenching question about it, which is WHO CARES!

Leviticus 26-27

Leviticus 26-27

God rattles off punishment after punishment to expect if the chosen people decide to unchoose themselves.  Meanwhile a wearied Moses wonders why he still bothers to listen to the old cook.  He could have been somebody….

Leviticus 22-25

Leviticus 22-25

This bible is so boring, even the person writing it down starting looking for other things to write about.  Also if murdering kids is wrong, then the bible certainly doesn’t want to be right.  And can you blame it?

Leviticus 18-21

Leviticus 18-21

Hey Moses, it’s God.  You got a minute?  Yeah I just thought of a bunch more crap you can’t do.  Grab a pen.  The bible makes the incredibly profound moral declaration that we cannot have sex with any of our relatives.  I’m so glad he told us that.

Leviticus 15-17

Leviticus 15-17

Women: have you ever wondered what that liquid evil that comes out of your secret place is?  Well, we men of the biblical era don’t know and don’t want to know.  Just please don’t sit on any of the good chairs!  This and more wisdom in today’s reading!

Leviticus 12-14

Leviticus 12-14

I’m BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!@$!%)#~!1`471289!  This was fun.  Let’s do it again next week.  Oh a summary, you ask?  Well not really anything happened.  There was a bit about how disgusting women are after they give birth, and then a lot about leprosy.  A LOT…

Leviticus 8-11

Leviticus 8-11

If I had a dime for every time the bible repeated itself I would be one rich dude.  God shamelessly murders two of his followers for nothing;  I really can’t get a handle for why god sometimes just leaves crap alone, but other times he shoots to kill…

Leviticus 4-7

Leviticus 4-7

This podcast ruled.  It was so good you won’t even understand what just happened to you.  Oh also nothing happened in the readings.  It just went over a million different reasons to sacrifice cows.  Stupid.  But anyway, I was awesome.

Leviticus 1-3

Leviticus 1-3

Starting Leviticus!  Yay!  It’s out of the gates fast with the great home recipes for your very own animal sacrifice!  These high fat, high cholesterol sacrificial recipes will please even your most angry god, and of course the priests take their cut…