Tag Archives: bible contradictions

Exodus 13-16

Exodus 13-16

More episodes in the ridiculous saga that is the fake exodus:  even though every one is dead in Egypt, the Pharaoh somehow gets an army to do after the Israelites; said army is mounted on horses that were also killed in previous chapters; and more recap.

Exodus 9-12

Exodus 9-12

God continues the pointless torture of an entire people.  I can’t wait to move on from this bit, it really was agonizing.  So repetitive and obviously fake.

Exodus 5-8

Exodus 5-8

In this episode, God inflicts torture on an entire people in order to prove to them that he is God.  A slightly better alternative would have been some sort of mass harmless miracle witnessed by everyone.  Did God just not have the time?

Exodus 1-4

Exodus 1-4

Exodus is as hilarious as the end of Genesis wasn’t!  There’s a new sheriff in Egypt and he doesn’t take kindly to Hebrews; we are introduced to the SO impressive burning bush; God nearly murders Moses’ son before his mom performs some ridiculous heroics.

Genesis 47-50

Genesis 47-50

The good news:  we are finishing Genesis!  The bad news:  it’s every bit as boring as it has been.  So Joseph is pretty much king of Egypt for no reason, and later Evita/Jacob/Israel dies and all of Egypt mourns him!  Right.

Genesis 43-46

Genesis 43-46

Joseph continues a pointless charade;  meanwhile his brother Simeon has been held captive this whole time and no one seems to care; finally, we get a stirring and riveting recap of all of Jacob’s children, just like we all wanted.

Genesis 39-42

Genesis 39-42

If you missed the part where god spelled out his commandments, you aren’t the only one; Joseph continues to prove his dim-wittedness; everyone displays an uncanny ability to tell meaningful dreams from the weird meaningless ones.

Genesis 35-38

Genesis 35-38

Starts off pretty uneventful; more recounting of generations which couldn’t be more pointless or boring.  It picks up later though as Joseph and his colored coat first appear.  Joseph proves to be a real idiot.  Judah proves to be an immoral douche.

Genesis 32-34

Genesis 32-34 When he’s not pointlessly naming things left and right, Jacob is busy getting busy with rent boys.  Just goes to show the many ways in which the bible inspires Republican congressmen.  Then things become much less funny.  Really.  The bible is horrible.

Genesis 28-31

Genesis 28-31

If you see Canaan, tell him that yes we are still mad at him for all that nothing he did; follow your dreams was meant literally back then; Jacob is living a bad porn from the 70’s…. or is it a really great one…